Act V
SCENE 3
SETTING: A stage in the main hall
(CLAUDIUS, GERTRUDE, LAERTES, HORATIO,
OSRIC, lords, and other attendance enter with trumpets,
drums, carriages, fencing swords, a table, and pitchers of wine.)
(instruments play)
(HAMLET enters)
CLAUDIUS
Come shake hands with Laertes, Hamlet.
(CLAUDIUS places LAERTES' and HAMLET’s hands together)
HAMLET
(to LAERTES)
Sir, I’ve done you wrong. Forgive me. I’m sure you’ve heard—that I’m suffering from a serious mental illness. When I insulted you it was due to insanity. Was Hamlet the one who insulted Laertes? No, not Hamlet. If Hamlet is robbed of his own mind, and insults Laertes when he’s not really himself, then Hamlet’s not guilty of the offense. Who is guilty, then? Hamlet’s mental illness is. And if that’s true, then Hamlet is the victim of his own illness— his illness is his enemy. Sir, with this audience as witness, let me declare that I’m innocent of premeditated evil against you.
LAERTES
My feelings are satisfied—but when it comes to my honor, I cannot forgive you without staining my own reputation. Until then, I will accept your love as love.
HAMLET
I’m grateful for your love. Come, give us the swords, and we will play this friendly fencing match.
LAERTES
Yes, hand me one too.
HAMLET
Your skill will shine like the brightest star in the darkest night.
LAERTES
You’re making fun of me.
HAMLET
No, I swear I’m not.
CLAUDIUS
Give them the swords, Osric. Hamlet, do you know the bet?
HAMLET
Yes, my lord, quite well. You’ve bet on the weaker fencer.
CLAUDIUS
I’m not worried. I’ve seen both of you fence. But since Laertes is better, we’ve given him a handicap. He’s got to outdo you by three hits to win.
LAERTES
(tests sword)
This sword’s too heavy. Show me another one.
HAMLET
(tests sword)
I like this one. Are they all the same length?
(HAMLET and LAERTES prepare to fence)
CLAUDIUS
Put the goblets of wine on that table.
(to himself)
I’ll drop a pearl even more costly than this crown.
(to all)
Now signal the cannon to fire, and let the cannon tell the heavens, and the heavens tell all the earth that the king is drinking now to Hamlet’s health! Come on, let’s begin. Judges, pay close attention.
(a cannon fires and instruments play)
HAMLET
Come on, sir.
LAERTES
Come on, my lord.
(HAMLET and LAERTES fence)
HAMLET
One.
LAERTES
No, it wasn’t.
HAMLET
Ref!
OSRIC
It was obviously a hit.
LAERTES
Fine, let’s go on.
CLAUDIUS
Give me a goblet.—Hamlet, this pearl’s yours. Here’s to your health.
(drums and trumpets play)
(A gun is fired and CLAUDIUS drops a pearl into a cup.)
(to GERTRUDE)
Give him the goblet.
HAMLET
Let me just finish this round. Set it down awhile. Let’s play.
(HAMLET and LAERTES fence)
Another hit. What do you say?
LAERTES
Yes, you got me.
CLAUDIUS
(to himself)
Hamlet is going to win..
GERTRUDE
He’s flabby and out of breath.—Here, Hamlet, take my handkerchief and wipe your forehead. The queen drinks to your good luck and happiness, Hamlet.
(she lifts the cup with the pearl)
HAMLET
Thank you, mother.
CLAUDIUS
Gertrude,-don’t drink that.
GERTRUDE
Excuse me. I’ll drink it if I like.
(she drinks)
CLAUDIUS
(to himself)
It’s too late.
HAMLET
I’d better not drink now. I’ll drink later.
GERTRUDE
Come on, let me wipe your face.
LAERTES
(to CLAUDIUS)
I’ll get him now.
CLAUDIUS
I doubt it.
LAERTES
(to himself)
But I almost feel guilty.
HAMLET
Get ready for the third hit, Laertes. Come on, give me your best shot. I sense you’re treating me like a child.
LAERTES
You think so? Come on.
(HAMLET and LAERTES fence)
Take this!
(LAERTES wounds HAMLET)
HAMLET
Earnest deeds, foregone.
(HAMLET performs left-hand seizure,
LAERTES mirrors action, and HAMLET
wounds LAERTES.)
CLAUDIUS
Separate them! They’re overdoing it.
HAMLET
No, come on, one more time!
(GERTRUDE collapses)
HORATIO
(to HAMLET)
Both of you are bleeding—how do you feel, my lord?
OSRIC
(to LAERTES)
How do you feel, Laertes?
LAERTES
Like a mouse caught in my own trap, Osric.
(he collapses)
I’ve been killed by my own evil tricks.
HAMLET
How’s the queen?
CLAUDIUS
She fainted at the sight of you bleeding.
GERTRUDE
No, no, the drink, the drink! Oh, my dear Hamlet! The drink, the drink! I’ve been poisoned.
(GERTRUDE dies)
HAMLET
Oh, what evil! Lock the door.
(OSRIC exits)
We’ve been betrayed. Find out who did it!
LAERTES
I’m the one, Hamlet. Hamlet, you’re dead. No medicine in the world can cure you. You don’t have more than half an hour to live. The treacherous weapon is right in your hand, sharp and dipped in poison. The foul plan backfired on me. Here I lie and will never get up again. Your mother’s been poisoned. I can’t speak anymore. The king, the king’s, to blame.
HAMLET
The blade poisoned? Then, venom, to thy work!
(HAMLET wounds CLAUDIUS)
ALL
Treason! Treason!
CLAUDIUS
Fight on my men, for I am hurt, but not yet slain;—
HAMLET
You goddamn incest-breeding Danish murderer, drink this and follow my mother.
(HAMLET forces CLAUDIUS to drink pearl)
(CLAUDIUS dies)
LAERTES
I forgive you, Hamlet. You’re not responsible for my death, as I’m not responsible for yours.
(LAERTES dies)
HAMLET
God will free you from blame. I’ll follow you to heaven in a minute.—I’m dying, Horatio. -Miserable queen, adieu. And to all of you people watching, pale and trembling, speechless spectators of these acts, I could tell you a thing or two if I had the time(though this cruel bailiff, Death, doesn’t allow much of it).
(to HORATIO)
Let it be.—Horatio, I’m dying. You’re alive. Tell everyone what happened; set the story straight.
HORATIO
There’s yet some liquor left.
(he lifts the cup)
HAMLET
As thou’rt a man, give me the goblet.
I’ll get it from you, I swear.
Please, Horatio, let it go!
(grabs the cup from HORATIO)
What a wounded legacy I’m leaving behind, and no one will ever know the truth. If you ever held me in your heart, then please postpone the sweet relief of death awhile, and stay in this harsh world long enough to tell my story.
(A military march is heard from offstage, and a cannon fires.)
What are these warlike noises?
(OPHELIA’s GHOST enters)
OPHELIA GHOST
Young Fortinbras, returning in triumph from Poland, is firing his guns to greet the English ambassadors.
HAMLET
(to HORATIO)
Oh, God! I’m dying, Horatio! This strong poison’s overpowering me and I will not live to hear the news from England. I bet Fortinbras will win the election to the Danish crown—though, oh, the rest is silence. Oh,
oh,
oh,
ohh.
(HAMLET dies)
HORATIO
Now a noble heart is breaking. Good night, sweet prince. May hosts of angels sing you to sleep.—Why are those drums approaching?
(FORTINBRAS enters with OSRIC, captains, and a drummer)
FORTINBRAS
What do I see here?
HORATIO
What would you like to see? If it’s a tragedy, you’ve come to the right place.
FORTINBRAS
What...a...battlefield. Proud Death, what banquet are you preparing that you’ve needed to knock off so many princes in one stroke? We meant to tell the king that his orders have been carried out, and that Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are dead. Who will thank us now?
HORATIO
(points to CLAUDIUS)
Not the king, even if he were still alive to thank you. He never ordered their deaths. But since you’ve come so soon after this bloodbath, please, give your men orders to raise the fallen high up on stage, and let me tell the world how all this happened. You’ll hear of violent and unnatural acts, terrible accidents, casual murders, deaths caused by trickery and by threat, and finally, murderous plans that backfired on their perpetrators. All this I can explain.
FORTINBRAS
Everything suggests mayhem. Let’s hear about it right away and invite all the noblemen to listen. As for me, I welcome my good luck with sadness. I have rights to this kingdom, and now have an opportunity to put them into effect. Come, let us pick up the fallen and have four captains carry Hamlet like a soldier onto stage. He was just, righteous. Go, fire your guns and blow out the candles, this party’s over.
(they exit marching, carrying the bodies)
(Cannons are fired)
(FIN)
(thank God)
BREATHE
@oddmitchbrown
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